We went to Disney’s Animal Kingdom today. The weather was nice, the mood was happy and the crowd was absent. We didn’t wait more than fifteen minutes for anything, even the new Expedition Everest ride, which was awesome.

We rode the rapids six times and got totally soaked. William said it was a perfect day.

This was such great news after yesterday’s Santa-slaying.

For those who have never been, Animal Kingdom is Disney’s most underrated offering. It’s small, but manageable. You can do the whole park in a day without killing yourself, and be back home in time for dinner (it closes at 5:00).

Despite it’s protestations, much of it is a zoo – but it’s a really nice zoo. The animals spend the day in large, lush habitats and evenings in sophisticated, climate-controlled facilities.

The only thing I don’t like about it is the safari “ride.” Like every other theme park ride in Central Florida, it is the “otherwise uneventful ride gone wrong.” In the middle of the safari, our bantering guide gets a call and we have to leave to assist in the capture of some dastardly poachers.

First of all, can we please come up with a new adventure ride premise? I’ve been on three time machines, two spaceships, a helicopter, a flying car, an elevator, and scads of other vehicles with restraining bars when I’ve heard the words “Uh, oh! Hold on folks! This going to get…”

There’s nothing wrong with a nice leisurely ride across the savannah, looking at magnificent wildlife.

Second, now that we’ve dispensed with the melodrama, can we please slow down so I can take a fucking picture of the giraffe?!?

Still, it was a wonderful day.

I would like to recognize Disney for their conservation education efforts, though. They do an unrivaled job at bringing you face to face with magnificent animals, and then illustrating the threats that are posed to them.

Every area also has sections devoted to recognizing the efforts of conservationists, and urging guests to assist them. But this, IMO, is where they fall down.

First there are the unconvincing cast members pretending to analyze biological samples – a lesson they didn’t seem to learn from the slow demise of EPCOT’s Future World.

Then there is the idea that’s put forth that “Disney is on the case,” leading guests to believe that they don’t need to worry, since the world’s greatest imagineers are tackling these tough problems.

Finally, there’s no real “what you can do” message. All of these millions of people go through the park, are genuinely touched by what they see, and then go to Sam’s Club the next day. They just don’t see a connection.

Sure, no one wants to go to Disney and pay $75 for a guilt trip (that’s what relatives are for), but Disney puts it out there – they only need to go the distance.

All the same, it’s a great way to spend the day.

Did I mention that Expedition: Everst was awesome?